Ex Cinis Cineris
by regie27
Summary: After the tuning, the survivors face living in a new world without the Mu menace. The losses weight heavily on everyone’s hearts as they struggle to rebuild their lives and Shitow Haruka has to face the reality of a world without Ayato. Alt ending to the


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**Ex Cinis Cineris **

A RahXephon fanfiction by regie27

Standard Disclaimers apply

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"_In this world were everything is about to change, I don't know how much meaning there is in continuing to live as people. But that's what each and every one of the survivors must do. That much is clear; people will live in spite of it all."_

Watari Shirow, TERRA Director

_**May 27, 2028**_

Elvy Hadhiyat winced as the cloudy blackness that had invaded her senses receded. The throbbing pain that shot from her aching clavicle to her arm made her fully aware of the fact that she was still very much alive. Pain could be an effective reminder of one's existence especially when you were bound to be annihilated by the blast of a god. Her mind jogged to the instant the true RahXephon and the Mu Obbrigato faced off after she had released her TDD units in a desperate measure against the scores of Dotems that littered the skies. The fierce duel between both colossus climaxed in the circle patterned, rainbow-colored attack from RahXephon that ended in everything around being vaporized, including her scarlet Shinsei 2 fighter and almost her own existence hadn't been on her keen survival instinct kicking in, which triggered the nervous impulse that made her right hand pulse the ejection seat button. Of course, no pilot worth his or her wings wished to bail out of a perfectly functional plane but in this case, it provided the only chance of survival possible in her dire situation.

LT Hadhiyat made a quick assessment of herself. She knew of horror stories of pilots that ejected only to land with both legs fractured or even a limb missing and those were the cases the chute did open. Her landing had been smoother than most but that last roll against the rough surface at high speed fractured her left shoulder. Her crimson G suit wasn't in the best of shapes but it was still functional. Both legs were intact and she thanked all deities in heaven for it. She suspected she wouldn't have lasted long if other had been the case. A small smile appeared on her face. "Guess that Jumonji fellow won his wager of me being Lady Luck after all." Instinctively holding her arm against her waist to steady the injured shoulder, she looked around trying to pinpoint any familiar landmarks. She suspected she had fallen on one of the Ryukyu Islands. She wasn't sure but at least that meant she was close to their retreat position, Supply Base 707.

The Squadron leader began walking, looking for a comfortable spot to rest and verify her location with the GPS embedded on her wristwatch. The acrid stench of smoke, charred metal from shot down planes and Vermilions, cadavers that eerily resembled Isshiki Makoto and pools of red and blue blood that she encountered on her way made her stomach turn. At the horizon, she could see the floating carcasses of the USDF fleet as they sank as funerary pyres, both ships and crews falling down to the depths of the ocean together in their last trip. Her right hand went to her side. She had taken her survival kit and her pistol with her and she was ready to take more Mu with her to the afterlife if needed. However, as she kept moving, she suspected the heart of the battle was still being waged at the sky and sea.

Her mind turned to the urgent task of finding shelter and some means of communication, but the almost unbelievable spectacle of two winged titans wrestling above the clouds rendered her motionless. It seemed each one struggled to impose its will over the other. Their chants brought her a sense of uneasiness and nervous expectation. Was that how the world was fated to end, in the hands of two kids transformed almost heretically into man-made deities? What about the sacrifice of herself and her fallen comrades? Kunugi, Yagumo, Jean, Cathy, Donny…Was it all in vain? Her eyes momentarily lowered to her side and to the loaded weapon. She could end it all right here and now. A 9 mm bullet across her temple assured a quick and painless end to this living nightmare. She cursed under her breath. That was the option of a coward and after a life lived in utmost courage, Elvy Hadhiyat wasn't going herself to fall that low in the end. Her squadron comrades would never forgive her if she decided to end it all in such an unbecoming manner for a condecorated warrior and leader like her. If death was coming for her, it was going to find her standing her ground.

Her brown gaze went up again as the glimmer of a fast moving object caught her attention. It soared past the giant Mu fortress that seemed to be their flagship and floating HQ and towards the wrestling Xephons. What the hell that pilot wanted to do? Even she wasn't that reckless! As the aircraft closed in on the aerial duel, another sonic scarlet blast from the white-winged Xephon exploded in mid-air. Elvy wasn't sure but she suspected that both the plane and the fortress had been taken down by the mortal chant. As the smoke cleared, she realized the city was plummeting fast towards the sea. She smirked. It seemed even the Mu were victim of collateral damage from their own creations. It served them right for all the good men and women that they had killed with their merciless attacks. The smaller object seemed to have barely escaped the wrath of the Xephons but now it spiraled wildly out of control at an alarming speed. As the object closed in, Elvy's pupils dilated. It was a TERRA plane, a blue Aliel. It had miraculously made it out of the attack but the aftershock of the blast had made its pilot lose control. She only knew of one person who always favored that particular aircraft…

"Damn it Shitow, why did you have to fly up there?"

Elvy knew that the plane was about to stall and with the current speed, it meant…

"C'mon, pull her up, pull her up, you're stalling! PULL!"

As if the pilot of the blue Aliel had somehow heard her, the aircraft recovered from the irregular spiral trajectory and managed to cease the drop, its nose missing the ground below by mere meters but it had been too late to control it completely due to the low altitude and the speed. Elvy held her breath in expectation.

"She's going to crash-land!"

Seconds later, Elvy heard the loud bang of the crash. Without a conscious command, her legs rushed towards the column of smoke that lifted instants later after the plane plummeted. Gasping due to the strain to her injured shoulder, Hadhiyat grinded her teeth as her glance found the wreckage. She sighted. It wasn't engulfed in flames but she couldn't take any chances. Climbing with difficulty, she reached the cockpit. Its hard monolithic carbonate glass canopy was frayed but its occupant seemed to be in one piece. Elvy jettisoned the canopy and in an instant the glass dome was thrown away.

"I was right. It was you after all. You're even more pigheaded than I am. Who would have guessed you'll lose your marbles like this over that kid?" Elvy smiled sadly. "Too bad he will never know what he's missing. Let's get you out of here and I hope I don't have to slap common sense into you."

As the Alpha Squadron leader had expected, the TERRA captain was unconscious and aside from a cut above her temple and some scratches and bruises, she seemed to be okay. Still struggling with her injury, Elvy maneuvered to sit beside the cockpit. With her good arm, the female ace grabbed Haruka's waist pulling her in an upward motion. After several yanks, the captain was finally brought out of the plane as the taller woman positioned her to the ground. While Elvy gathered her breath, struggling to push away the insidious pain as she wiped out a single tear that escaped her eyes, she noticed that Haruka was stirring. At last, the shorter woman opened her lids slowly, her expression blank.

"Hey Shitow, take it easy. You crashed and I brought you out of the plane. Can you explain what in heavens you were trying to do?"

Haruka blinked twice, and then stood up quickly as her head lifted upwards. Elvy's glance also rose. She had been so absorbed trying to aid her comrade she had forgotten about the Xephons and that humanity's fate was at stake at that very instant.

"Elvy, I've failed" she heard the captain murmur as her voice choked. "In the end I couldn't help Ayato."

"I don't believe any of us could do anything now Haruka."

"It's not fair!" Haruka shrieked. Long tears began to pour down her cheeks. Elvy suspected her friend's emotional state was by now frayed to its limit.

"You got that one right. This whole mess hasn't been fair to any of us" the taller woman bitterly replied.

All of a sudden, the sky above was transformed from blue to blinding white. The godlike chants became louder, more pervasive and Elvy felt a worrying uneasiness travel down her spine. Their singing was chaotic, confused. Pain infused every note of the voices of the winged gods and Elvy gathered a cleansing breath, steadying herself for whatever that was to come from this. Waves of bright color followed the immaculate white. The whole world was being swallowed by the light and all sounds were extinguished by the mono-tonal chants of the twin Xephons. The world seemed to have stopped its gravitation. The moment of the tuning had finally reached its climax.

As Haruka broke down in loud sobs, Elvy simply stiffened. The time had finally arrived. Glancing compassionately towards her heartbroken companion, she placed her hand over the short-haired woman's shoulder as a small smile curved on her lips.

"Well old friend, I guess this is either the end or a new beginning. Hopefully, I'll be able to listen to you pour your heart out over draft beer and a good meal. I'll see you at the other side!"

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_**ONE YEAR LATER**_

_**May 2029**_

_**Neo Tokyo, Japan**_

"So how's Sou-chan? Really? You better get used to that if he's a fuzzy sleeper. Well…you weren't a sound sleeper yourself either Megu. Mom and I had to take turns to pick you up at 2:00 am because you insisted in sleeping the day and spending the night up. Oh yes you did and more than once my face ended falling flat over my books because I had spent all night up taking care of you. Now you'll realize what your onee-chan did for you back then… And how's Kim doing? We really miss her at work but right now Sou-chan is her priority and we understand. When she feels she's ready to return, tell her to give Watari-san a call and he'll reinstate her in her position… And remember to pick up your other stuff. Yup, you do have a lot of junk and it's littered all around my place! You better drag your butt here and take care of it, you hear me… Yeah I know… I'm starting to sound like mom. Well, take care and hope you can get some sleep tonight. Bye!"

Haruka hung up and the cordial smile that she was sporting vanished. As she slumped on the couch, her glance swept around her apartment. Without Megumi around, it really looked bigger that she had ever realized. Worse, it felt awkwardly empty and silent. It had been already a month since her sister had decided to move in with Kim Hotal to help her take care of her baby, although boxes of her belongings still remained on her room and Haruka doubted she would dispose of the room in the anticipation of future occasional visits from her younger sister. She couldn't help but feel a sort of motherly pride over the younger Shitow's sudden burst of maturity. It had been Megumi's own initiative the decision to move to Kim's place to help her around given that the girl, aside from them and her newborn was practically alone in the world. Past misunderstandings and crushes were left in the past and a renewed bond had been created out of the common thread of experiences of losses and change, of laughs and tears they both shared. Megu-chan was indeed growing up and uncle Rikudoh would have been very proud to know that his admonitions and advices had truly taken root.

The circumstances that they had all experienced made their friendship grow stronger. She could still remember how horrible the first weeks that followed the failed tuning had been. All three of them would gather in the makeshift survivor refuge that Supply Base 707 had been turned into and silently cry until they ran out of tears. It had been a really testing period for both Haruka and Kim. The younger woman, still mourning the death of Major Yagumo Souichi, would first feel sympathetic for Haruka just to wake up the next day and blame her for bringing Ayato to their world and ultimately being indirectly responsible for the major's tragic and untimely death. Haruka didn't know what hurt her the most: the fact that Kim could actually believe that either her or Ayato acted with even the slight knowledge of what it would happen or the fact that she should apologize for rescuing Ayato from Tokyo Jupiter. Even with all the death and destruction that resulted from Ayato's merging with RahXephon and the disastrous consequences that followed, she could never bring herself to regret what she did, but she also knew Kim's reaction was an irrational reaction due to the pain of her loss. She knew all too well about the irrationality of love: after all she had stubbornly refused to let go of her affections towards Kamina even after more than a decade had passed. She grimly wondered if she would ever stop loving him.

In the end, it had been poor Elvy who would stoically listen to their suffering as she decided to instead wash her own sorrows away with sake or any available spirit, sometimes alone, sometimes with the elder Shitow sister. Only once had Haruka remembered seeing Elvy breaking down under the stress and the emotion: at the memorial ceremony for her fallen Alpha Squadron comrades. That sunny afternoon, a squadron of raven black Titanias flew overhead performing a missing-man formation as the Honor Guard with their neatly pressed uniforms and impeccably polished shoes placed wreaths over their tombstones, symbolic really, as their remains were never found. All the Federation brass made act of appearance and Director Watari's words had stirred everyone's emotions. It had been far too much even for battle hardened Elvy and Haruka had ended lending her shoulder for the Lieutenant to discreetly cry on.

The last year went by like a blur and the new circumstances had given her time to meditate on what had happened, but for Shitow Haruka, that wasn't a good thing. In fact, she loathed having this apartment for herself after years of always having another human being's presence around. First it had been her mom and dad when she still lived a normal life, then Itsuki's company at college, then uncle Rikudoh and Megumi, and finally her beloved Ayato himself for a wonderful albeit far too brief period. This loneliness just didn't suit her and she felt ill equipped to deal with it. At least she had managed to rescue Buchi the cat a second time around and now the feline slept comfortably in her sofa. At least a living being had decided to keep her company after all.

Of course there was always work and there were loads of it to keep her busy way past retirement. Now that TERRA disappeared as a separate entity, the government had annexed its resources and members into the Federation. Thanks to Agent Jumonji's recommendations, she had been promoted to Major and now worked alongside her uncle and the former TERRA director Watari Shirow as they headed the investigative team that sought to understand the Mu and its links to the defunct Bahbem foundation. Many secrets surfaced that had the short-haired woman's head spinning for weeks. If the fact that Kamina Maya was her uncle's daughter hadn't been surprising enough as Jumonji had revealed when he was still under the alias of reporter Futugami, to find out that Director Watari had been her husband and Itsuki's and Ayato's father had been quite shocking to say the least. Each time she browsed over the vast reports that the Federation seized from the Bahbem foundation she braced for even more unsettling discoveries that shattered a little more of her faith in humanity. Most of their discoveries let her so disturbed it was hard not to see life and her own existence as part of some twisted sort of vast conspiracy theory turned reality. Isshiki and Nanamori's lives reduced to mere clones, the Vermilions being in reality experimental mechanical dolems, Lord Bahbem's Methuselah-like longevity; all these disturbing findings pilled up in her head in such a way that insomnia had become part of her daily routine just like brushing her hair or eating.

Still, even her dealings with what the Foundation and even TERRA itself had ended up being could not distract her enough to dull the vacuum that had lodged inside her soul since that fateful day when the world seemed to halt its endless elliptical course. Her life post tuning had become aimless; her inner compass lay broken along with the shattered pieces of her illusions. For the very first time in 30 years, she searched for a purpose to justify her own existence but couldn't find one. The last reason she had steadfastly held on to, to care for her sister, had whisked away along with Megumi's belongings out of her home and her life. At least Elvy found a new purpose as flight instructor for the USDF after struggling with her own survival when so many had been lost in that bloody war. The veteran pilot wanted to instill her resilient survival instinct on the younger generations of fighter airmen. Even with Bahbem dead and Maya captured, there was no telling if the MU planned a return or what they could come up next, so Elvy kept her guard up, waiting for the day she could finally avenge her comrades. But Haruka, unlike Elvy or Kim or the other survivors felt her life was nothing but a charade now. The professional officer, the capable and talented Intel analyst with a work ethic second to none, admired and respected by her peers was in truth an empty shell. She knew she existed but she was not living in the true sense of the word, not anymore.

"I should have died that day. I should have at least shared in death what we could never have in life. Was it so wrong for me to keep that hope and to pursue my dream? Am I such a wretched human being that my wish was denied over and over again? What's left for me now?"

Haruka's head sank into her palms as she braced for yet another round of a hopeless struggle against her two new companions: misery and loneliness. She noticed with dread the signs of their arrival materialize as the crescent moon hung high over the cold Tokyo nightscape: the oppressive weight over her heart, the chill against her skin, the long shadows that stirred with unnatural life. Haruka glanced at her owns hands as they shook with fright in anticipation of the punishment that was bound to be inflicted upon her psyche. Every instant her mind was vacated and silence replaced the sounds of the daily grind, the voices would come and haunt her. It didn't matter how hard she struggled to avoid or ignore them; in the end they would find her and torture her until the waking hours. She knew that those close to her knew that something wasn't right but she couldn't make herself care for what they thought anymore. It wasn't that they didn't try enough to humor her in their efforts to bring part of the old Haruka back. On the contrary, they had been more than diligent to the point of sometimes being asphyxiating as they attempted in vain to resurrect a part of her that was slowly fading away. Sometimes she relented just enough so they would leave her be for a while knowing her change of mood was in truth good acting on her part. Her rational mind was still sharp enough to realize she was hitting rock bottom. However, she was so emotionally numb it didn't matter anymore. And so everyday came and went as she waited for life to make sense for her again, to catch a sliver of the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. She hoped she found it soon because she wasn't sure for how long she could go on with the farce that her life had become.

Tonight she felt too weary to even endure a single round of her companions' merciless attacks, so the newly appointed USDF major stood up from the couch and without hesitation, directed her steps towards the bathroom. As lightless chocolate eyes locked with hers in the mirror image, she opened the medicine cabinet and reached for a small, amber colored bottle. As she grasped it, she could listen to the base doctor's admonitions about the risk of becoming dependant on the sleeping pills but between having a night of deep, nightmare-free sleep and risking her sanity to slip a little more, she chose the lesser of the two evils. Holding the pills tightly on her right fist and a glass of water on the left, Shitow Haruka entered her bedroom. She washed the pills down her throat and her cheek met the soft pillow. As darkness engulfed her eyesight and began taking her conscience away, she secretly hoped with all her might she could stay in that dreamlike state, devoid of heartache and emptiness and never return to suffer anymore. Perhaps in that place she might be at last granted the happiness that had been denied to her all her life.

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"Well Haruka, when was the last time we had the chance to sit down and enjoy a meal? Was it 4 weeks ago?"

"Actually it has been about 6 months now oji-san."

Rikudoh Shougo struggled to swallow that last bite as he looked at his niece in mild shock. Laptop at her side, Haruka gave her uncle an amused look. At least she could attribute her occasional forgetfulness to her gene pool.

"Has it really been that long? Goodness, how time flies, but you're right. I seem to recall that Megu had been with us that time also. How she's doing? I'm glad she decided to return to school."

-"Yes, she told me yesterday that's she's being doing quite well. In fact, we might even have a special guest join us at dinner one of these days, but don't tell her I told you!"

"I won't! I'm so happy for her. I'm relieved that I don't have to worry about her anymore. You on the other hand…" Rikudoh's voice lowered.

Haruka lifted her glance as she lowered her teacup. She found her uncle's dark orbs assessing her in silence as an expression of concern lodged on his face.

"Haruka-chan, I understand that among all of us, you are shouldering a very heavy burden and I shouldn't expect you to behave as if nothing happened, but still I can't help but feel worried about you. You've changed and I'm not sure I like it."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm afraid that you have given up."

Haruka didn't reply. She seemed to be staring at an empty space, her fingers playing absentmindedly with the chopsticks from their lunch. Rikudoh Shougo sighted.

"You know, your aunt Maya asked me about you."

"Aunt Maya?" Haruka exclaimed. Rikudoh nodded. Although Kamina Maya faced a complex legal process that was expected to culminate in a trial for crimes against humanity at the La Hague International Court, Director Watari's position had allowed her the unusual privilege of remaining on house arrest under the USDF's custody instead of the prison stay it usually awaited those facing charges of High Treason. This had allowed those who prior the Absolute Barrier counted themselves as her relatives to visit her periodically after years of separation. There was no use in keeping animosities, not anymore and because everyone had lost so much, they thought it was better for all to try and rebuild what was still salvageable even if it meant dealing with a former enemy. Haruka had been one of those visitors, since Maya had placed particular interest in meeting the person who had ended taking the lion's share of her son's heart. The Intel officer had been apprehensive at first, believing that the former Mu leader held her responsible for her utter ruin and their first meetings had been filled with awkwardness. However, Haruka soon realized that Rikudoh's adopted daughter held no animosities towards her and so in a strange twist of fate Kamina Maya, feared head of the Mu became simply her aunt Maya.

"Yes, we talked for a while and she told me the most interesting thing. You know that since the Mu retreated, her spiritual powers and her awareness have been fading but so far she hasn't lost all of them. She was the most powerful among them after all, so I believe it will take quite some time for her powers to completely disappear. Anyway, remember the last time you came to visit? Well, after you left, I noticed she looked quite concerned. After a little probing, she told me she had sensed dissonance within you and that your timbre was dulling. It seems that we red-blooded humans can also posses this quality, this timbre as they call it and yours happens to be exceptionally strong. This alarmed her because she believes that the unusual clarity and warm quality of your timbre was the thing that attracted Ayato to you in the first place. She said that after much meditation, she realized this had to be the explanation because they were never able to erase your imprint from his memories. You can also add the fact that Itsuki also felt attracted to you. My best guess is that for lack of a better term to draw a comparison, the timbre is something similar to the aura."

Haruka looked at her oji-san with a stunned expression. She admitted this was a plausible explanation. After all, what were the odds of twin brothers that didn't even knew each other being interested in the same person but in different circumstances and time? Leaning forward, Rikudoh continued:

"But this is the part that worries me. Maya said that she felt as if your timbre was being slowly swallowed by a void and that if that kept happening, the void was going to replace your essence. I don't know how to interpret this. After all, I'm a scientist but there are too many mysteries of the Mu that I know we will never be able to crack, but I'm afraid your aunt has a point. I've been able to know you like a father would. You've lived under my roof since you left college and I've witnessed your journey, how hard you've worked to gain your position at TERRA, how you've cared for Megu not as much a sister but almost like a mother. I've seen your ups and downs and it pains me to acknowledge that you are letting yourself die inside. Of course, I shouldn't judge you so harshly. I have my own failures for which I atone each passing day, but I believe I haven't allowed them to alter who I really am."

"But oji-san…" Haruka replied vehemently, "you don't understand what it feels to fight and struggle just to see your dreams shatter all over again. It hurts too much and I don't want to be wounded anymore, so if by shutting down my emotions is the only way I find to protect me from the pain, then that's what I'll do. I'm sorry if this means becoming this being but I can't seem to find another way."

As Haruka wrought her hands nervously over her lap, the archaeologist watched her in silence. Inhaling sharply, he replied:

"I see. Well, I'm glad that at least we had this conversation. I have to go back to work now, but I just wanted to let you with a thought a good friend of mine shared once; life can be divided in two parts: 10 are the things we cannot control and 90 are those that we can do something about it. The key to success is to learn how to use that 90 to deal with the remaining 10."

"Sounds like a good advice" the short-haired woman conceded. "Who told you that?"

"Kunugi Jin. You see, he didn't allow the 10 determine how he was going to live. There were things that he wished he could have changed but since that was impossible; he decided instead to work with the things that were within his control. His steady leadership was a source of inspiration for all of you. I know you and Jin didn't see eye to eye in many moments, but I believe you understood in the end what he was trying to do. Ayato's fate might had been much different hadn't been by him and I'm sure you've come to realize that now."

Haruka nodded silently. She had indeed understood that much later and regretted the times they had argued.

"Haruka-chan, only you can decide what to do with your life and none of us can interfere. Just remember that those of us who have survived have the responsibility of being grateful for the chance that has been given to us. Take care, niece. I'll be seeing you later."

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It had been two weeks since Haruka had that fateful conversation with Rikudoh-san. Two weeks that she had been finally able to sleep on her own. 14 days in which the voices had seemed to lose their edge and found themselves struggling to impact her as they used to. Today, instead of returning to work after lunch, she found herself walking, wandering without aim or destination through the streets of the city that began to rise again from the ashes of war and oppression, at last free of the dome that had isolated it in time from the rest of the world. There were moments she missed the pure and invigorating scent of the ocean breeze that was so characteristic of Nirai-Kanai, but in the end, the city where she had grown up the first half of her life was the one she ended calling home. After all, this city had been witness to the awakening of her heart to the precious emotion that became her motor, her motivator in life. The essence of that all powerful sentiment lingered impregnated in so many places that she could swear she could still perceive it, pure and untarnished as the first day it had taken hold of her heart.

Haruka smiled genuinely for the first time in months. Rikudoh's words had touched a fiber in her soul that managed to awaken the individual her loved ones missed so much, the one who had never accepted defeat or hopelessness, the one that dared to defy time itself and had miraculously succeeded even if it were for a brief moment. It would take a her while to recover and she expected the voices to still seek and haunt her but the real Shitow Haruka was finally rising from the grave she had been sunk into. At last, a small and delicate light of hope had flickered defiantly inside her fragile heart.

"Oji-san's right. I can't give up yet. I've made it out of countless situations and that should be proof enough that there's still purpose in my presence in this world. There must be something left for me to do here and I will not give up until I find out what it is."

Dusk began to set. Haruka's eyes went to the watch on her wrist and for reasons unknown, she had mistakenly grabbed the one that had dual timezones displayed instead of her newer, normal one. She had believed it to be damaged but even if it worked, there was no purpose to it anymore now that time was one and the same for all. She blinked as she watched the LCD displays in both segments glowing, the numbers keeping their steady count. She raised an eyebrow in surprise. The times displayed on the upper and lower portions were running in unison, as if the watch itself had realized that there were no two distinct timezones anymore.

Her thoughts momentarily paused as she felt something soft brush against her cheek. Her fingers nimbly caught the object. As she opened her hand, a gust of wind blew away the white feather that came to rest on her palm. Her eyes followed the feather take flight high above her reach, but another one, then two more, now three seemed to have followed the first as they twirled their way down and up again powered by the wind's fancy.

Haruka's heart began pounding more rapidly. A shower of snow white feathers began spiraling from the sky pouring down on her. She gasped. The feathers seemed to emanate unexplainable warmth. The officer stood still as she was bathed by a pure and comforting light that attempted to exorcise the darkness and coldness that had taken hold over her soul. She felt as if she was being embraced by invisible arms that infused her with a sense of peace and comfort that appeased her restlessness. This warmth, it was so familiar…but what could it be?

"Kami-sama… what is this feeling?" Haruka hesitantly tried to understand what this signals could mean. She began walking as she tried to steady her heart, attempting to make sense of what had just happened. Had it been real or was it that her sanity was slipping away? Her feet moved frantically. Her body was swallowed by a sea of salarymen and giggling schoolgirls, of passerby and tourists as she struggled like a salmon against the river's current trying to move forward. Amidst the mass of faceless bodies in motion, she caught glimpse of an object that stirred memories of better times and brought a lump to her throat. A gust of wind made a long, yellow scarf twirl above the human mass tracing a path unknown. Instinctively, the former TERRA officer followed its trajectory as she made her way out of the crowd. Her eyes locked on the floating fabric as it slipped down a stairway. Haruka paused for an instant to read the sign above the stairs: "Hongo Intersection." It was one of the newly repaired train stations and for a reason she couldn't lay her finger on, it rang a bell, but her focus was still full on the yellow object that kept levitating as if it were infused by a will of its own as it kept beckoning her to follow it.

Her auburn gaze pursued the scarf until it finally slowly descended to the floor of the station. As she walked towards it, the scarf rose again, this time lifted by someone. She couldn't distinguish well the crouching silhouette that had incorporated because of the influx of passengers that obstructed her view. She moved closer and was able to distinguish an image of a pair of dove wings extended at either side. It was a copy of an iconographic Magritte painting. It seemed that particular piece had become quite ubiquitous recently because she had seen more than once in other places and today was no exception. However, the Magritte wasn't all she saw. A tall figure framed by white wings against blue sky stood expectantly. Her heart began pounding loudly again against her ribcage. Her right hand rose to rest over her chest. Her fingertips felt her own strong and accelerated heartbeats pound rhythmically. Her eyes dared to trace a path from where the scarf dangled to the hand that held it, then to the arm. Her eyes kept rising until they beheld the sight of blue eyes so bright and warm she felt they could peer into her soul and now those azure orbs locked with her chocolate hued ones. Haruka gasped. A single tear slipped down her cheek.

"I knew you would find me" a masculine voice gently said. His eyes were gleaming. Gray hair framed the man's pale face.

Haruka couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't think. The only thing she could do was to wait as the man began bridging the gap that separated them with steady, measured steps. More tears escaped her eyes as her head swayed from side to side and her hands balled against her sides.

"No, this cannot be, I'm losing it, I'm really going insane for good…" Her head hung low as she stared at her black boots to avoid receiving the visual input of her self-delusion, cursing her mind for torturing her in such a cruel manner. Her breath caught up on her throat as the warmth of palms holding her cheeks evidenced the reality of what her senses had perceived. She heard him inhale deeply as her face was gently lifted so their gazes could meet again. Through her moisture-streaked eyes she saw him smile gently as his fingers caught the tears that kept slipping down. Her voice finally found its way out.

"Ayato…it is really you? Please let it be you because my heart can't stand any more grief" the short-haired woman said as her voice trembled.

The man nodded in affirmative as his tears joined hers. His voice denoted the heartfelt emotions that pulled inside him.

"Don't be afraid, it is me in the flesh, in human flesh. I've finally found my way back."

"But you disappeared without a trace after tuning failed. How…"

Ayato placed a finger against Haruka's lips halting her words and smiled again.

"I have answers to all your questions and they will be answered in due time, but this much I can assure you: our world never had the need to be tuned. Humanity is so remarkable that even with its flaws it holds the capacity within itself of fixing what is wrong, and no one can change that fact. No artificial means or the arrogance of individuals could ever forcefeed a false sense of order or happiness on people, be it MU or human. I've been watching you, waiting in earnest for you to find your path and the moment you let hope enter your heart again, you allowed me to return."

Her hands came to cover her mouth. It sounded so simple yet she suddenly realized the journey she had gone through and understood the wisdom that his words revealed. How could she be able to truly love if she could not come to terms with herself? Life in itself was a gift to cherish and be grateful for because even in the face of all odds, in life there was hope. How ironic that in order to recover the one she loved she had to rediscover herself after so many times she had been the one that had helped him find his true self. A grateful smile curved on her lips.

"Thank you."

"No Haruka, thank you for realizing who you are and for being yourself again."

Unable to reign in her emotions any longer, she plunged forward, lacing her arms around him neck as she brought him close in an embrace. She shut her eyes, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against her own, sensing his aroma, luxuriating in the comfort of his arms tightly surrounding her waist. She tilted her head up to glimpse at his face again. Ayato now towered over her and his hair was longer. The boyish features she had seen on him a year ago had noticeably morphed into a man's. He looked exactly as she had imagined he would at this age. Suddenly, she remembered the strange phenomenon with her wristwatch and smiled inwardly. Time it seemed had finally caught up with him. Wishing for this moment to be frozen for eternity, she murmured as she tightened her hold:

"Don't you ever leave me again Kamina Ayato."

Staring at the love in her eyes, he solemnly replied:

"Never. I'll never leave you again. This time I will never let you go" he whispered as he decided to allow his lips convey the truth of his words.

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Elvy Hadhiyat glanced at her cell phone. No answer. Frustrated, she hung up the call and tossed the small gadget over the passenger's seat. As she parked her car, she caught a glimpse of a yellow compact parked at their apartment complex. It seemed the car's owner had decided to return home after lunch for reasons still unknown. After grabbing her phone, Elvy slammed the door loudly as her feet rushed towards the elevator at the main lobby. The phone at the major's apartment rang incessantly. Nothing, she wasn't answering that one either. This disappearing act wasn't normal. Haruka could be really scatterbrained sometimes but she seldom left work without letting someone know about it and much less forget about a Korean BBQ outing like the one they had planned for the evening. It had been hard to convince her since her depression seemed to be taking a tighter hold of her but Elvy had finally managed to sway her. She couldn't honestly remember her comrade in such a state before. It pained her deeply to see her like that because even if she had never vocalized it, she had always admired the shorter woman's determination and persistence. The fighter pilot couldn't allow herself to lose someone she cared about again, not when she could still do something to prevent it.

After the elevator doors opened, albeit far too slowly for her, she dashed outside and began making the corner towards her friend's apartment. As she walked in long strides, she caught the sound of voices approaching from the opposite side. The particular cadence of Haruka's laughter startled her. How long had it been since she had heard her laugh like that? It had been a while, she realized and there had been moments she'd feared she wouldn't ever hear it again. The pilot sighted in relief and the apprehensive tightness in her chest loosened; she could put to rest all the worst case scenarios she dreaded might had happened. She smiled inwardly. She meditated about letting this one slip off but her sympathetic mood lasted all of 20 seconds and she readied to give her absent-minded colleague the lashing of a lifetime for making her worry sick. The male voice that replied to Haruka's cheerful voice stopped her dead on her tracks. Since when Haruka was seeing a guy she wondered. With her present emotional state, she would have believed that dating was the last thing on the Intel agent's mind, but it seemed she had thought wrong. He spoke again and there was actually something that activated her mind's gears. For a strange reason she couldn't pinpoint, his voice sounded oddly familiar. Feeling slightly uncomfortable for intruding in what it was obviously a private moment, the lieutenant peered discretely from her hiding place. Haruka's companion was at least a head taller than her and the color and styling of his hair belonged to her mental image of someone else. As Haruka opened the door, her feline roommate dashed out and in a single leap, he came to rest over his owner's welcoming arms mewling happily.

"Buchi! I'm sorry I didn't come home earlier. Ayato, you remember Buchi right?"

Elvy shook her head in utter confusion as her brown eyes opened wide. Did she just say…no, she must have heard wrong. Kamina Ayato was gone from their lives for a year now and he was believed to be either lost or dead. He had simply vanished without a trace along with Quon. There was no evidence that pointed to the contrary.

"Of course I remember him." Ayato replied cheerily as he petted the cat's head. "I'm glad he decided to stick around." The rest of the conversation was lost to Elvy as they entered inside and the door closed behind them.

She couldn't deny it anymore. This man was really Kamina after all! But how… when did he…Elvy's head began to spin as all sorts of questions materialized on her mind, but she didn't care for them right now. The most important thing is that he was back. It would take time to get used to his adult appearance but that didn't matter now. She was really glad someone else managed to survive. Elvy began moving towards Haruka's door when she halted. No, this was their moment. She turned around as she glanced at her watch. An impish grin perched on her tanned face.

"You have until morning and you better make good use of the time being, because tomorrow you bet I'll be here for breakfast and a long-winded interrogation. Hmm, I wonder if she'll remember our 'agreement'…"

The door opened again and Haruka's head came out scanning sideways, as a very noticeable shade of crimson lodged on her cheeks. How at 30 Haruka could still blush like a schoolgirl was a mystery to Elvy, but she guessed that was part of her charm. The door closed once more. The tall woman noticed that the tie that she had been wearing from the "Annie Hall" styled combination her friend seemed to favor hung at the doorknob. Elvy's face strained to keep the sudden surge of laughter that bubbled up her throat from escaping.

"So you did remember our signal after all. And you always said that it was a silly, unnecessary thing. I guess it doesn't seem so silly anymore, huh? Have fun you two!" Elvy murmured to herself.

Moving towards the elevator as her hands went to rest inside her the pockets of her red fighter pilot's jacket, she thought as a smile curved on her lips:

"Don't worry Haruka, I'll make sure no one disturbs your evening but you owe big time. Alright, now to figure out what to do with those dinner reservations… Ah well, guess I'll just haul Megu and Kim along."

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_**May 2030**_

_**Nirai Kanai Mu War Memorial Complex**_

"So, this is it?"

Kamina Ayato walked slowly on the grounds where TERRA Headquarters used to be and now hosted the newly inaugurated Mu War Memorial. It was one of the few parts of the island that was opened to the general public, not that he would have faced any problems entering any of the restricted areas due to his companion's clearance, but he wasn't particularly interested in those anyway. The docks where the TERRA fleet once stood proudly, the small shrine that held so many clues to his legacy and the airport were just a few of the grounds that were now encircled by tall cyclone fences with sharp concertina wire and surrounded by heavily armed guards. The HQs would have also ended seized had not been for the unprecedented amount of damage it had received after the huge blast of the TDD engines that Kunugi had used on his last stand ended up virtually vaporizing any vestige of the complex.

"Yes" Haruka replied. "As you can see, Nirai-Kanai for all practical purposes is almost deserted. There's still plenty of research being done here and there are labs and military garrisons scattered all around but that's about it. The city and its civilian population were evacuated long ago. The only thing that's unrelated to the government is the memorial and the cemetery."

"I see." Ayato's eyes peered at the blue on blue horizon that surrounded the technological marvel and natural beauty that used to be Nirai Kanai in its glory days. His memory replaced with vivid images the voids that his eyes perceived in the barren landscape. His feet still could remember the way that led to the convenience store were he had spent countless hours in Megumi's company or the sloping road that took him to Itsuki's and Quon's beautiful two-story house. As he stood there, lost in his own inner musings, a girl with short red hair and quick pace hurried towards them.

"'Nee-chan, Ayato-kun, you'd better hurry. The ferry will be leaving in five minutes!" an agitated Megumi yelled as she wiped the sweat off her forehead. Snapped out of his reverie, Ayato replied:

"Okay Megu. We'll meet you there."

"Don't be late onii-san!" Megumi retorted with a big smile. Haruka observed the scene with an amused expression.

"Well, she sure seems to be enjoying the company of her new brother-in-law. I wonder if she really outgrew the crush she used to have on you."

"Haruka, it has been almost two years since that. Is it me or did I caught a glimpse of jealousy in you?"

"Hey, one can never lower the guard and she's quite the beauty now…" Haruka replied with a sly grin.

"You are a terrible sister. You should be grateful Megu-chan and you have always enjoyed a close relationship" Kamina replied with a stern gesture that was quickly replaced by a broad smile.

"My bad, from now one I will not be jealous at Megumi even if she still sometimes stares at you with puppy eyes. You know, it's sad that you were supposed to have a sibling too but you weren't ever given the chance to even know he existed."

"I know; I have to admit that I'm still absorbing the fact that Itsuki was my twin yet I knew so little about him I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact. At least this knowledge has allowed me to understand his behavior now that I know. He did care a lot about you; that was quite obvious, not that I really liked it then."

"I guess so and I cared for him too. I do miss him and I think if none of this had ever happened, perhaps we could have maintained a good friendship."

"Or you might have ended with two husbands…"

Haruka glared at Ayato still debating whether to retort with a rather saucy comment of her own or to scold him for coming up with such an outrageous idea. She opted instead for neither choice and decided to instead let silence speak for itself. He lifted his hands apologetically as he gathered her in his arms.

"Okay, that was a bad joke, but you have to admit that it would have made for good drama."

"Sorry, I guess that this place is still overwhelming for me. It just stirs far too many memories and I find myself struggling to accept that so many good people are gone." Haruka inhaled deeply as she locked eyes with Ayato. "At least I'm glad you are finally able to remember your past and what we shared back then."

"Yes, at least all my memories were returned to me. It's hard to believe how I managed to survive without them. No wonder I've always felt there was an empty space in my soul."

"That's why you used to feel so lost and incomplete because your true self lay within those remembrances."

"But now I'm not lost or incomplete anymore and there's still so much to do. You know, I just wish I can someday become Kim's friend again, but I guess it is still too early for that."

Ayato sighted as he reached for his wife's left hand, playing with the gold band that now rested on her ring finger. She raised their linked hands to rest over her heart and she placed a feathery kiss atop his.

"It will take time but I know in the end Kim and you will be able to make amends. Come, we'd better hurry. I'm glad the beach is returning to its former glory and maybe in another occasion we can spend the day here like we did before but right now I'd much rather spend the night at home."

"Any particular reasons for that?" Haruka heard him retort with a seductive intonation in his voice. Her elbow rammed his side as she offered him a reprimanding stare that quickly morphed into a mischievous smirk.

"You know, I might have some…do you want to hear them?"

"I'm all ears."

"You'll have to catch me first!" And without any more words she dashed away towards the bay where the ferry was, as she could hear the motors beginning to motion the craft away. "She sure still runs like the wind," Kamina mumbled under his breath as he hurried to catch up with her. Megumi shook her head in disbelief as she watched the infantile display of her sister and her brother-in-law as they leapt to board the departing vessel.

"Hmmp, those two act like they're still kids. Hey newlyweds, better start behaving your age already! What do you think we should do about those two Elvy?…Elvy…?"

The dark-haired aviator could not reply to the girl's frustrated remarks since she had succumbed to a deep sleep and Megumi didn't even dared to ponder what she would do to her if her slumber were to be disturbed. Megu sighted loudly as she stared into the heavens pleading to be spared from the utter embarrassment she felt at that precise instant watching her onee-chan fixing her hair with a sheepish smile after her impromptu athletic display and the stunned expressions of the other passengers. Who would have imagined that the 16 year old would end up behaving in a more mature manner than the adults around her? While observing the blissful expression her sister displayed as she caught a glimpse of the couple, she decided that her momentary shame was fair tradeoff for her happiness. She sure as hell had earned it; that much was true. Putting her hands over her ears to block Elvy's annoying snores, she realized her elder sister glancing at her pensively when all out of a sudden she stuck out her tongue. Snickering, Megumi quickly replied in the same manner as she pointed out at the pilot. She knew Haruka wouldn't be able to resist the opportunity to poke some fun out of Elvy's strident snoring and unusual defenseless state. Giving a quick peck to her husband on the lips, she scurried away with Ayato's paints and soon she was beside Megu debating what to draw on the aviator's face.

As he observed the scene amused, Ayato felt a soft object brush past his cheek. Putting his tracing notebook and charcoal pencil away, his eyes peered up the expansive sky and noticed what it looked like delicate black objects floating about. His hands caught one in mid-air. He opened his hand and his glance lowered to examine what was tickling his palm. It was a feather, black as the moonless night. His lips curved into a smile as he pursed his lips and blew it away, allowing the feather to take flight. His attention focused back to the outline of Nirai Kanai as it began to shrink, and from a distance he distinguished scores of shimmering black feathers that seemed to rain over the Memorial. He sensed Haruka's presence beside him as she seemed to be hiding, judging by Elvy's livid expression, obviously wanting to let the neophyte artists have a piece of her mind regarding the multicolored scribbling she now sported on her face. Puzzled by Ayato's enraptured expression, she arched a brow as her glance panned from his face to the coast.

"Ayato, is that…?" she mumbled as she too stood in awe at the mystical manifestation she now witnessed.

Ayato nodded in affirmative. His arm extended to point at something that had caught his attention among the already remarkable spectacle. Haruka followed the trajectory and her eyes caught a glimpse of a slender figure clad in an elegant black dress. Long, reddish hair swayed around her like a cape as it was caressed by the subtle sea breeze. The girl walked in a leisurely pace. It was hard to distinguish much now due to the distance and the oscillating rhythm of the waves moving the ferry under her feet but Haruka could have sworn the girl seemed like she was singing. The couple smiled at each other. In an almost inaudible voice that only Haruka was able to hear, Ayato simply murmured as his hand gestured a greeting wave towards the mysterious girl at the beach:

"Welcome back, Quon."

_Fin_

_Glossary:_

Stall: A condition in which an aircraft or airfoil experiences an interruption of airflow resulting in loss of lift and a tendency to drop.

Magritte: As in Rene Magritte, Belgian Surrealist Painter, 1898-1967

Onne-chan – Elder sister

Oji-san – Uncle

Ex Ciris Cineris – Latin for "from the ashes."

_Author's Notes:_

Muses work in mysterious ways and the story I had initially planned was based on the events of Operation Overlord but in the end I came up with this Alternate Ending tale. Among the stories I've written so far, this fic has to be one of the most emotional because I found myself on the verge of tears while writing Haruka's encounter with Ayato on Hongo Station and that had never happened to me before. Working Haruka's depression wasn't easy either but I'll admit that this story was originally conceived with a more somber ending and overall tone, but I guess the sappy romantic in me won over so you get to enjoy a happy ending instead.

Okay, references. Dates in the story are based on Phillip R. Bank's RahXephon timeline. Aircraft and other references are taken from the RahXephon Bible. Watari Shirow's quote comes from Ep 25 and the quote attributed to Kunugi Jin is paraphrased from a real quote offered by my unit's Wing Commander. ;)


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